STRANGELY SHEEPISH
I've long been of the opinion that Dolly is not a real football supporter.
Well not in the 'Biblical' sense anyway. Forget about a virus sweeping Pittawdry last week. There has been a cancer running throughout that club since the days when Roy Aitken (surprise surprise) was manager.
Remember Big Roy, and the 'feed the bear' stuff? Big, fearsome, (until Souness - who by this time was finished as a player - sorted him out, just 5 minutes into the 1987 Ne'erday clash) totally committed, worst loser in football and all that. That was how he was as a player, and in the dug out he was wont to be animated too. Unless of course he was in the opposition dugout as Celtic wiped the floor with their northern opponents.
Then it was Roy the plank, Roy the rigid and forever Roy the Bhoy. The cancer has affected their players. Remember Jess stating in the run up to the 98 World Cup that stopping Rangers from doing TIAR would mean more to him than making Scotland's World Cup squad? Imagine a professional footballer not wanting to appear in the World Cup? So much for professionalism and personal pride, eh? Remember Scott Booth holding out for the relative obscurity of football in Germany with one of the middle of the road, sides, rather than take up Dick Advocaat's offer of winning some medals at Ibrox in season 1999/2000?
This cancer has left Dolly the fan even more ravaged and riddled with poison than their players. How many times have we witnessed these morons wearing 'a doing' at the hands of the yahoos as a badge of pride? It's almost as if they think they're getting one over on Rangers fans. I've got news for you Dolly. It doesn't work, believe me. Personally speaking, I wouldn't have it any other way because it sums you up to perfection.
They were at it again recently. Just cop a load of this from Dolly on the Internet last week. "AFC fans wish Celtic good luck tonight - and go easy on our "runs" affected team on Sunday." These few words go against all the hopes and aspirations of football fans the world over. I guarantee that there were some ICT fans who made the journey down to the munky-hoose for a League Cup-tie a few weeks ago, and Partick Thistle fans this week thinking that they might, just might, see another cup upset. That is how football fans the world over behave. Hope springs eternal. It's not rational, but it is in the blood. Apart from Dolly's that is.
Imagine following a team, you would have the rest of us believe is part of Scottish's football's elite. Yet you are pleading with an opposition fan, to be gentle with you. No pride in your club, no faith in your club, just a total and complete acceptance, that you're going to get well and truly reamed. I repeat. It goes against everything a real football fan believes in or stands for.
The real fun part is, that Dolly on reading this, will think I'm trying to crank up the heat for the next week's Rangers v Aberdeen match, instead of highlighting once again, just what a pathetic bunch they really are. Even funnier, as the scoreline last Sunday suggested, Timmy treats Dolly with as much contempt as we do. As I've said on countless occasions before.
If Aberdeen FC was a racehorse (although being a thoroughbred does tend to stretch the imagination) there'd be a Stewards Enquiry into its performances and attitude to games against both sides of the Old Firm. Then it would be put down!
PLEASE RELEASE ME
Then we had the news at the weekend that Plod foiled a gang of would be kidnappers who had Victoria 'Posh' Beckham in their sights. I tell you what. If someone ever decides to 'snatch' Derek Johnstone from the bosom of his family and they want Rangers fans to come across with the folding stuff, he's in trouble! I'll be there on the other side of the phone, listening to their demands, whilst watching 'Ruthless People' and taunting them as to why they haven't harpooned him yet?
DODGY DEFENCE AT DENS
But enough of these charming wee asides. Another three points were garnered up at Dens on Saturday, and yes I'm grateful that they were. But another horror show at the back, had this bear shaking his head in disgust and truly thankful that we were not up against superior opponents (no offence here to Dundonians) than the Deemen. The shenanigans in defence are totally unacceptable. And until the manager sorts them out, then he is dicing with the threat of ultimately receiving his 'Pansy Potters'.
The game's big talking point IMHO however, was the quite disgraceful decision by referee Ian Lyle, to yellow card Fernando Ricksen for the heinous crime of winning the ball. Up till now, Alex McLeish has been winning us over by the way he's only too happy to shout out when required at any perceived injustices. He needs to go the extra mile now and actually tackle the Scottish footballing authorities head on. If it is OK to punish Fernando Ricksen by TV, then it must follow automatically, that it is kosher to use the same evidence to clear his name.
BRAVO BAZ
I see also that there is now talk of Barry Ferguson having to go in for a minor operation for his pelvic injury. Now I am eternally grateful that 'Cap'n Baz' has struggled through the pain barrier for us. I cannot accept that he did the same for Scotland. It is the height of unprofessionalism.
SUB-STANDARD SPEW
The winner of this week's 'Oh look, there's another dead sheep nipping at our ankles' award is won hands down by a clown called Gordon Waddell in the 'Sunday Liam', who kept the laughable two year old exclusive about FF being bombed from Ibrox, pot boiling. To be honest, it was the usual sub standard fare that we've come to expect from the Scottish footballing meeja when it concerns the Rangers support. Big on rhetoric, but actual proof so thin on the ground as to be non existent.
You've got to laugh, mind you. Mr Waddell plays dumb when it is revealed that Scotland's First Minister allows pro terrorist filth and enemies of our country to parade through the streets of Scotland. But wants to play the hardman with a wee football fanzine and accuses us here at FF of sectarian bile?
Now I'll keep this short and sweet. Mr Waddell, like that yahoo ponce, Robert McAuley, a few days earlier for a sister rag, tells us that the content of the FF fanzine is sectarian. It's really quite simple then.
Show us the proof. Mr Waddell, it's also quite apparent from the tone of your wee scribble that you also tune into the website. So the stage is yours. Put up or shut up.
Oh, and by the way Mr Waddell. If you're going to stick up for Martin Bain, then at least try to be consistent about it. If Bain is right to ban FF from Ibrox, are you saying he was also correct in bringing out that 'tangerine' top? Or is just the case that you will pick and choose what you want to believe in from Bain? I'll say it again, Bain has made a pact with the devil in trying to use reptiles like Waddell and McAuley against the Rangers support. His comeuppance will happen. It's now only a matter of when.
SUNDAY MORNING EVERYONE YAWNING
It was a busy Sunday right enough. I didn't tune into the capital derby on account of the fact I had to watch some paint dry. But I see referee Willie Young once again highlighted the many inconsistencies of our match officials, by booking a Jambo for his celebrations after scoring a last gasp winner for his side. My question is, would he have issued a second booking to a yahoo for the same actions? Based on previous form by our whistlers, I'd say that would have to be a big no.
Those of us of a certain vintage can remember Derek Parlane being yellow carded for running off the park after scoring in the 1973 Scottish Cup semi v Ayr Utd. Rangers players were still being yellow carded for this misdemeanour as we approached the 1990s. A la Mo Johnston v the yahoos in November 1989.
Guess who was the first high profile player NOT to be booked for running off the park after scoring a goal? Yup you've guessed it. Yahoo Tony Mowbray after equalising in the 92 Ne'erday fixture at the munky-hoose.
The reason being? Well, he'd already been booked, you see. And we can't have referees applying the laws of the game if it means punishing Celtic, can we?
Maybe it's my bad mind, but I just loved the way John Brown exposed the cowardice of the referee in the last minute of that particular game, when he went walkabout behind the goal after clinching the points with a last minute daisy cutter. After letting Mowbray off the hook, there was no way he could have booked the Ranger for the exact same behaviour. Way to go Bomber.
I always remember Archie (Yes we have no bananas) McPherson telling us at the time that the referee not applying the rules, was a victory for common sense. It'll be interesting to read what he thinks about this most recent case at Fester Rd.
Incidentally, in that same '92' fixture, a yahoo (Mark McNally) was allowed to punch away a shot from a Rangers player on the goal line as Bonner lay hopelessly stranded elsewhere in the penalty box. The punishment here of course would have been an automatic red, so the fact the ref chose not to see the incident should come as no surprise. Par for the course when it comes to the yahoos really. InTIMidation rules!
Not that our men in black stop at merely allowing yahoos to leave the field of play after a goal has been scored. Nope, they can also turn a blind eye to yahoos removing their jerseys after scoring a goal also.
Witness Bobo the animal's behaviour after scoring his goal at Hampden in the Cup final. Fact is, there have been numerous occasions when a player has been booked for the exact same behaviour. But hey, we're taking about Dallas here. The guy who refuses to red card a yahoo goalkeeper for doing Meadowlark Lemon impressions outside the penalty box at the munky-hoose.
So he's hardly going to play the enforcer against them in a cup final, is he? Again it was cute play on the part of Barry Ferguson to repeat the behaviour when he equalised in that same match.
YOU DON¹T KNOW NUFFINK, RIGHT?
I don't think this weekly scribble is necessarily the most appropriate place for discussing the next issue. But nevertheless, there was an article, which took up about a quarter of a page's worth on page two of the Evening Tims on Monday, which was vomit inducing.
Under the heading, "Fear over 'secret society' loophole", we were then treated to a brand of logic, which wouldn't have looked out of place at a Nazi Convention. The author of the article was in a funk because it would appear that Councillors and MSPs who are Orangemen and Freemasons do not need to divulge this knowledge to outside parties. He (she?) said and I quote; "But the decision is sure to spark fury among those who see membership of the Freemasons and The Orange Order by public figures as unacceptable in the 21st Century."
Now whom would these people be, these people who find being an Orangeman and a public figure unacceptable, I wonder? To my mind it will obviously be people who have no problems with Frank Roy insinuating that Rangers fans/Protestants would wreck a RC Shrine at Carfin?
Frank Roy being a member of The Ancient Order of Hibernians?
Frank Roy being a member of the Crossmaglen Patriots Flute Band?
The Lord Provost of Glasgow, being a housebreaking piece of sectarian filth?
The First Minister wanting the Police to sectarian bigots and terrorist sympathisers to walk through the streets of his home constituency?
Glasgow District Council not electing a Protestant as Lord Provost in the last 30 years?
Membership of Opus Dei?
Membership of the aforementioned AOH?
It would be laughable if it wasn't so serious. The most important, most feted RC cleric in Scotland at present is the Archbishop of Glasgow, Fr Conti. Now according to The Sunday Herald, Fr Conti is of the opinion that priests who rape weans should not be held accountable for their actions in whatever country they commit the crimes in. Yet some 'people' would have you believe that being an Orangeman is the bigger threat to morality in this country, than Conti and Co and their worldwide attempts
at cover-ups?
Well, I just ain't accepting this truly warped and despicable state of affairs. Irony of ironies. It was a Castlemilk yahoo, James Grant, who summed up in song 14 years ago, the Scotland we live in, at present.
'You're on the up escalator but you're living in an upside down world', right enough.
Ladies n Gents. Believe it or not, I am neither a member of the Orange Order or the Freemasons. But I don't just smell a rat, it's looking right at me. Hell, I'll even describe him to you. He's got a septic top on and waving an IRA flag even as we speak. He's also wearing the biggest grin I've ever seen. You see he knows that all this anti-sectarianism crap, is exactly that. A wheeze designed by the Celtic-minded to push through their own political and religious agendas. And there is no credible opposition out there who can or have the will to stop them.
Fact is, when being an Orangeman or a Freemason is more deserving of rancour in the press than the country's top politician in cahoots with sympathisers of murder gangs? Then it tells you everything you need to know about the farcical situation that we find ourselves in at present in this poxy, wee hole called Scotland.
SOME GOOD NEWS
Not that the Evening Tims was all bad news during the week. I was delighted to note that ex yahoo and Gallic nutjob Stephane Mahe's nightclub, 'Seventh Heaven' has gone down the tubes with debts of 400k. Aw diddums. The name of the dive tells you everything you need to know about yahoos and logic. No doubt Mahe is sitting there looking at his creditors' bills and thinking what have I done wrong? I mean, I know the name of the club is designed to get it up the 'DOBS', but why aren't they paying good money to keep me in clover?
WAR NEWS
The week draws to a close with the yahoos being exposed one again for what they are. That is, the biggest liars in sport. I was especially interested in a book review of a new publication about Celtic managers entitled 'The Head Bhoys' by Ronnie Cully, who is the Evening Tims' Septic equivalent of Davie Peace Process Provan over at Radio Snide. Meaning he doesn't seem to exist other than to write about the yahoos.
The following wee snippet not only caught my eye, but also jumped out at me. "Anyone who wants to know more about the club will discover: which manager COERCED players to sign by PROMISING to keep them out of the army during the Second World War."
It really is marvellous. As far back as I can remember, Timmy and his apologists have always been downright scornful of Rangers achievements during WW2 because they claimed Rangers FC deliberately kept players out of the war effort and got them cushy billets in the shipyards and the like. Why, even the Celtic View has thrown up articles (dripping in vitriol, as you would expect from that publication) from time to time to support that theory. Yet all the while Celtic were behaving in the manner they accused Rangers of.
And what was that wee joke again about The British Expeditionary Force and what the initials (BEF) stood for again? That's right, Back Every Friday.
Well the joke is well and truly now on Timmy. Celtic players didn't need to be back for Friday, because they hadn't been away in the first place.
Ho, ho and thrice bloody ho. I think it is worth repeating. There is just no shaming the septic minded. They are warped from the cradle to the grave. They tell us constantly that Scottish football doesn't count as being official during WW2. Yet it is that lot who count their goals scored during the period in their official records. Rangers deliberately kept players out of the war effort. Now we have news that Celtic deliberately kept players out of the army.
Still, what else do you expect from a shower who crow about a certain Willie Angus, as a Celtic player who won the VC in the Great War. The fact is, Willie Angus was never a Celtic player. He played one time in a trial match and that was as far as it went. True they are not normal historians. They are truly abnormal liars however.
Maybe it's my bad mind here but I don't really believe that Celtic historians would really have to dig all that deep to get at this news from the Second World War period. Not for a minute am I suggesting that they've sat on this news for half a century and more and suppressed it.
But I sure can't wait to read what 'The Celtic View' has to say on the subject the next time it crops up? (If ever) And I'd also like to be a fly on Pat Woods' wall the next time Bill Murray comes over to stay at his gaff? Of course, I'm sure this cosy, wee domestic arrangement wouldn't stop Murray (who has never met Robert McElroy for example) from presenting an impartial and well-balanced view of the Old Firm.
Incidentally, the Celtic manager in question can only be one of two people. That would be either Willie Maley or Jimmy McStay. Given that Maley was told to resign in 1940, the smart money has got to be on McStay. I could only hope it was an accident otherwise!
GOING DOWN TO GROUND
As someone who uses the Underground to Ibrox on a regular basis I shed no tears for the drivers who've been given their jotters earlier this week. These public servants have been able to cause as much inconvenience as possible to the Ibrox going public when it has suited. And at short notice too. They've also in the recent past been able to inconvenience the public because two yahoos among their number decide to get hitched. It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch if you ask me.
LAST NIGHT IN THE KINGDOM
So we're through to a league Cup semi-final date against either Aberdeen or Hearts courtesy of a smash n grab victory at East End Park last night.
It truly was a disgraceful performance overall and I'll say it again, Alex McLeish had better work on his defenders, because they will end up costing him all the goodwill he has built up in the last year. Each and every one of us sympathises with the financial restraints he has got to work under because of the negligence of his two predecessors. But his defence has already brought us our most humiliating European result ever. The warnings are there for all to see.
As for Dunfermline's tactics early on? Well, they were all too plain. Let's have a blooter at Ricksen and see what transpires of it. True, the referee did seem to keep a tight rein on proceedings early on and dished out the yellows when required, but seemed to become more lenient as the game went on. Something, which non-entity-with-bucket-mouth, Barry Nicholson, would do well to reflect on.
What I could have done without however was the snide remark from Terry Butcher near the end of the game, when he said after a Pars player had elbowed him in the passing, 'Ricksen, innocent?' The guy had been the object of abuse throughout the game. Yet Butcher was trying to imply it was all Ricksen's fault. With friends like big Tel, do we really need enemies?
Oh, and one last point about the League cup semi final fixture. Will Dolly or Jambo demand half the allocation of tickets for this match? If not, why not? After all, they'd be up in arms about not getting their fair share if it was the final itself. They can't fill their stadiums (which are nowhere near 26,000 capacity incidentally) week in week out.
But demand that amount of tickets for a final. They call it being treated fairly. I call it hypocrisy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAJOR
Last but by no means least. Today (Friday) sees the birthday of one of the Rangers supporting stalwarts it has ever been my privilege to meet. Yup, it's none other than FF's very own ecumenicist, 'The Major' who clocks up another year on the big scoreboard. I'm not saying he's strong willed, but he's been telling me for years that I'm too mealy mouthed for my own good.
Of course, that might just be his age starting to show. Now not for a second am I suggesting that he's getting past it or is too old. But he has passed the mark whereby it is now officially cheaper to buy the cake than it is to fork out for the 'Jeff Randalls'! Anyway, have a good one bud.
And that folks, is most definitely that, (for this week anyway)
The Govanhill Gub