Now forget this forage into that deep, murky forest called foreplay, after all life is too short for that. What I can't get my head around is that Ms Multiple, is unchuffed at life when the rest of us would be delighted to be in her shoes, if you catch my drift. I'm due up three times now for pinching unsuspecting females' bottoms in Sauchiehall Street, but I'm blaming Deirdre, so there's a lesson in there somewhere!
But let's stick with that multiple miss. Now I'm on record as saying the League Cup is a nothing thing that we should now use for blooding youngsters in. It's a bauble we've won every year in two, basically, So why did I go off my chump and do the aforementioned Lucky Linda impressions after our League Cup victory over Dundee Utd?
There are a number of reasons, not least eliminating Werder Bremen from the European Diddy Cup three days previous. But mostly I reckon it was down to the fact that there is a team spirit within the squad that you can almost reach out and touch.
Now for me the tactics are guff and despite Cousin, we do not have the personnel to deploy this one man up front system but that is just a personal opinion.
So what do we have? We'll start with the goalkeeper. Now again, I thought this upstart was too lippy for his own good last season Too high an opinion of himself, with so much more still to learn was my opinion.
The word cocksure springs to mind, and how apt that word is. Maybe I'm getting more sensitive as I get older, but I don't ever before recall a young, single man being the butt of jokes and making headlines for playing the field with blonde haired poontang only too happy to oblige his every whim.
But then again, that sums up the Scottish press for us and their ongoing squalid standards. A young, single Ranger gets singled out for abuse for being a ladies man, but a fat, snarling hate filled bigot who sends abusive phone texts to a female he got up the duff is lauded as a 'remarkable human being'? Only in Scotland, eh?
What the last month has shown for a certainty is that Allan McGregor won't let the scum up here with typewriters get to him or affect his ahem, performance on or off the pitch. I just want that he keeps working at his game as opposed to thinking he's now as good as it gets.
I don't want to look at the negatives at this time, so I'll skip briskly on to Carlos Cueallar, the player of the year here in Scotland, edging just slightly ahead of Barry Ferguson. It is not just the competence and efficiency of his performances that make me one happy Easter Bunny; it is the consistency in his play. He is the rock our defence is built upon. Let us all hope that suspension and/or injury are not visited upon him in these most vital last couple of months of the season.
Steve Davis has been a revelation in midfield and I would like this lad to become a permanent fixture. A wee bit like Stuart McCall is the popular notion and it is hard to argue with. He seems so unassuming and I don't ever envisage SD ever being a disciplinary problem. And there is bags of skill in this Ulster package too.
Upfront, Kris Boyd as ever, manages to confound us all. He can't run, he's overweight, he's this, he's that, well two goals to bring us back from the brink in a Cup final plus the winning penalty is fair going by any standards. He is the most instinctive, goal poacher and predator at Ibrox since a certain Ally McCoist, but it cannot be argued with that his playing style doesn't suit the manager's tactics.
So where do we go from here? Well, that League Cup final gong was a first for a few of the players. The manner in which it was achieved, despite the negatives must have lifted the squads' collective spirit into the bargain.
Shall we keep rolling? A wee throwaway line on an Arctic Monkeys' album. Without wishing to tempt fate, tell you what; these cheeky monkeys of ours, look at this moment in time, set to keep the ball rolling. And that will cause Scottish yahooery a major problem, which even Dear Deirdre won't be able to solve.
Yours, as ever in Rangers,
The Govanhill Gub.