is he the yahoo apologist supreme, but also a cracking nickname to boot.
It's knowing where to start with this excuse for objective journalism that
is the problem. But seeing as we've got to start somewhere, we're as well
rewinding to his playing career at the munky-hoose.
Quite frankly Provan is remembered in Rangers supporters' circles for a few
incidents only. First of all getting his head patted by Willie Johnston at
the touchline at the Rangers end of the 'Jungle'. That was just before wee
Bud sent over a throw in that resulted in Alex Miller sending a screamer
into the postage stamp for a last minute winner at the toilet in August
1980.
This playful behaviour on Johnston's part was remembered for all the wrong
reasons and so it was that Provan then went onto have some petty squabbles
and running battles with Johnston in subsequent tussles before exacting
revenge a season or so later. That was the day when Provan 'used all his
experience' (as Provan calls it on commentary when a Celtic player cheats)
to get Johnston, who by this time was playing for Hearts, red carded in a
Scottish cup tie at the cesspit. Hell hath no fury like a jump the dyke
ridiculed it would seem.
My favourite memory of Provan and everything about him though, is when he
announced his retirement from the game circa 1986 due to a 'wasting
disease'. The Septic Spew had a front page headline proclaiming in bold
print; 'Winger of the Decade'. Provan a better footballer than Davie Cooper?
Yeah and Provan's a better journalist than John Pilger is too. The things
that go through Timmy's mind at times, eh?
Since then Provan has become basically a full time propaganda officer for
Cesspit FC. No more no less, although it has to be said that he has been
aided and abetted pretty spectacularly to this end by his employers at Radio
Clyde. This was never more evident than in the early 1990s when every week
on Snyde seemed to be a 'Sellik Speshill' and their support were encouraged
to go on air and let rip with their grievances.
I don't think I need to go through Provan's career year on year, as
Scotland's yahoo-press-apologist-in-chief although his behaviour on Saturday
January 3rd 1998 stands out in clear relief. That is the day you may recall
when Provan made the quite extraordinary statement live on Radio Clyde that
Gazza's nano second of invisible flute playing the previous day at CP 'Could
have a dramatic effect on the Ulster Peace Process.'
Provan's words that day form, by any standards you wish to apply, probably
the single most preposterous and ludicrous statement ever uttered by a
supposed respectable journalist in the annals of British broadcasting
sporting history. And the concept of irony is as off limits to Provan as
impartiality when you consider that he was basically inferring that the
'Bhoys against Bigotry' had every right to be offended by an invisible
orange flute. The wonder is, Provan never received a civic award from
Glasgow District Council for his troubles.
But let's get up to date. Any notion that Provan can act in an impartial
manner went crashing out the window (windows and the Celtic minded, eh?) at
the tail end of last season. Simply put Provan lost the plot back in April
when it was announced that Celtic would have to play their last OF league
fixture at Ibrox coming off the back of a European tie in Portugal.
No mention from Provan that Rangers also had to play an away OF league
fixture on the back of a European tie earlier in the season. No mention from
Provan that the timing of this particular game was foisted upon the
footballing authorities because of the shameful behaviour of Celtic fans at
another OF league encounter 4 years previously. No mention from Provan (who
was bleating about the injustice of it all) that when he was a player at
Celtic Park, his bosses demanded that Rangers play an OF league game just
TWO DAYS after a European tie.
Provan has learned the lessons of deceit and double talk well in his time at
Celtic Park and his personal reservoirs of hypocrisy would appear to be
limitless if his column in the other Friday's Express (6/6/03) is anything
to go by. In an article entitled; 'McBeth can wipe out ghosts at SFA' which
was all about the right to free speech in the Scottish game, we were treated
to a masterclass of double standards that even by Provan's own considerable
levels of achievement simply took the breath away.
The article started with PPP letting the Scottish footballing public into
the relatively little known secret that Jack McGinn has stood down as
President of the SFA. Provan then took a snide dig at McGinn's credentials
for being allowed to be top dog in Scotland when he slipped in aside about
McGinn helping to steer Celtic towards bankruptcy.
McGinn's talents at Celtic Park notwithstanding, there is of course another
reason however why his appointment as president of The SFA has been the most
disgraceful and scandalous in Scottish football's entire history. Yet all
through McGinn's tenureship as the top banana in Scottish football Provan's
penchant for free speech has dried up. I wonder why?
Ladies and Gentlemen, let me give you a perfect example of the free speech
that Provan and all and sundry at Radio Snyde subscribe to. A few years ago
a Rangers fan on the Snyde phone-in managed to allude to 'the sporting
scandal of all time' at the end of his original point. He was cut off
immediately. No response from the straight-talking Davie Provan or anyone
else on the panel. He was just cut off without so much as a word of reply.
Director Cooney then made a reference to some people wanting to live in the
'dark ages'.
Mind you, the phrase 'living in the dark ages' sums up Radio Celtic to
perfection. I tell you Mr Van Helsing from the Whitby Bay area phoning up
the Vampire hot-line and quoting passages of scripture wouldn't have
received a more adverse, hostile reaction than the Rangers fan did that day
on Snyde.
You do see where I'm going with this don't you. Free speech and morality is
OK if Provan and Co can use it as stick to beat Rangers with.
So there you go another gratuitous pop at Peace Process, Radio Snyde and the
Scottish footballing press at large brought to you all via Govanhill? I
don't think so. I'm just not accepting people like Peace Process Provan
determining what our footballing morals should be, especially when certain
issues are being deliberately swept under the carpet. And neither should
you, folks.
I'll leave you with another gem from that Friday's article and I quote; 'You
can have a go at the Prime Minister with impunity in this country, but don't
dare give an honest view of the Scotland football team.' Substitute Celtic
Boys Club for Scotland and you have Davie Provan and the rest of the
Scottish Footballing press encapsulated to perfection.
Ciao,
THE GOVANHILL GUB