Before I start this, I'd like to point out that this isn't a bitter swipe at an opposition keeper after a poor result. Derek Stillie is a fine shot-stopper and if I were in Walter Smith's shoes, he'd be called up as one of the back-up keepers in the Scotland squad.
Stillie's team were rather unfortunate not to win and the excellent saves he made almost earned him a starring role in a story that Dundee United fans would have handed down from father to son. Unfortunately for Derek, a dreadful defensive mistake from a substitute ensured that a million Tayside tales of his Ibrox heroics have been scrubbed from the Arabs' footballing glory stories schedule.
However, there are two things that this guy has been doing for a number of years now whenever his team (whether it be Dunfermline or Dundee United) are trying to hold on to a lead or a point against the Rangers and it really bugs me because no journalist ever picks him up on it, no pundit ever criticises him for it and no referee takes the appropriate disciplinary action against him, at least not until the dying minutes of a game when there's unlikely to be enough time for a repeat showing and a red card.
So here are the two things I'm asking the respected figures in Scottish football to look out for the next time Stillie is up against Rangers and his team are holding on by their fingernails :
1) Goal kicks - Note how Derek never takes the goal kick from the side that the ball went out. Nothing wrong there, I hear you cry. However, when the journey from one side of the goal to the other involves walking at the pace of an arthritic snail on Mogadon, and quite often with an unnecessary diversion around the back of the goal for a circular stroll that obviously takes longer at such a leisurely pace, I put it to you that Derek Stillie is cheating and he should be warned on the second go-slow, booked on the third, hinted to on the fourth that he's asking for an early bath, and then ordered off on the fifth occasion that he tries to take advantage of referees who refuse to apply the laws of the game correctly.
2) Taking free kicks just outside his own box - If the ball lands in the correct position for a free kick and the keeper intends to lump it as far up the park as he can, how can that keeper justify creeping forward the 10-20 yards between him and the ball in a sloth-like fashion, simply to put his hands on it and spin it slightly before crawling backwards to eventually take the kick? He can't, can he? Well, Derek does it in at least four times a season (I'd say eight, but I don't watch many Celtic v Arabs games) and what's more, the silly officials let him away with it every time. Result - Derek's laughing at you all again.
I'm tempted to make a small excuse for officials on the grounds that they see Stillie play against teams other than the three half-decent sides. They may think that he doesn't do it repeatedly if they referee Dundee United games against the likes of Falkirk or Dunfermline. He won't be up to the same dirty tricks against lesser sides and they won't be giving him the ball for goal kicks or offsides in the final third.
However, I can't believe that journalists/pundits who cover the Old Firm once or twice every week fail to spot his sneaky antics. Given the fact that they discuss the game regularly with our officials, why the hell hasn't one of them stopped a referee and said, "Hey, how long are you going to let Derek Stillie pull your plonker by walking round the penalty area like a zombie from Dawn of the Dead?"
He may be one of the better goalkeepers in the SPL but a man who carries on in the way that Stillie has been doing for years is a man who deserves absolutely no respect whatsoever, and that is what he will get from me as I am a fan of the beautiful game and Derek is the chief campaigner in our league to stop that game being played.
In the World Cup he would have walked for time-wasting. Perhaps that's why this nation didn't have any officials regarded as good enough for Germany at the summer?
SM